Let Me See
by Graveygraves
Summary: Erin has returned to the BAU after her stint in rehab, however she is finding it dificult to settle back in. Help comes from an unexpected person. Hint at future realtionship. Written for Rebaforever. Beta'd but veiws always appreciated.
1. The breifing

**Let Me See**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the ideas.**

**This was written for Rebaforever who requested some Hotch/Strauss. New pairing for me, but willing to give anything a go – hope you like. It is set shortly after Strauss' return to the BAU after her rehab. Just before the end of series 7.**

**Inspiration for this was from the song "Beneath your Beautiful" by Labrinth and Emeli Sande (which is where the lyrics come from).**

**. . .**

**You've built your wall so high  
That no one could climb it,  
But I'm gonna try.**

**. . .**

Sitting at the round table, his eyes rapidly scanned the room and finally settling on her. To the untrained eye it was easy to miss the tell tale signs but he knew them well. The slight stiffening of her spine, the nervous flick of her perfectly arranged hair, the rapid swallow as she averted her eyes from the pictorial information in front of them – each slight movement combined to let him know how uncomfortable she was feeling right now.

Hotch knew he should have been concentrating on Garcia's presentation of the most recent case. Luckily he was fully briefed and knew exactly what the case entailed as he couldn't help but watch her. Strauss had barely set foot in her office since she had returned a month or so ago. She had insisted that each meeting they had to ensure a smooth handover was held in his office. She had attended a week's worth of daily briefings, and now at the start of this week, she was sat in on the case presentation prior to them leaving to investigate.

Erin had never been this involved before her 'sabbatical' and not everyone was comfortable with her increased presence. Though he was sure it had little to do with the team's performance, and a lot to do with her wanting to make amends.

"So, my Intrepid Explorers, I hope you can once again save the day," Garcia said as a way of signing off from her delivery of information.

"It's obviously an organised killer," Morgan began, not intimidated by Strauss' participation in their meeting. He had seen a different side to her since she had returned which had made him proud of his involvement in her seeking rehab.

Reid continued, "The lack of forensic evidence on the bodies is very telling. The cleaning may be ritualistic - him wanting to cleanse them of sin, or it could purely be a forensic countermeasure. Either way, it makes identification of the UnSub near impossible."

"If it is a countermeasure," Rossi took over, "then it is possible our guy has something previous on record and doesn't want us to find a match. Given the nature of the torture inflicted on our victims, can you do a search for any locals with a history of animal abuse or a conviction for animal mutilation, please Garcia? He would have built up to this, learnt from his mistakes. Focus on crimes with a similar MO – the knife work is important to him."

"Right away," Garcia was tapping before she had the chance to speak.

"What I don't get," JJ interrupted, "is how he is abducting them. Other than the obvious cuts and the marks from the ropes they were bound with, there are no defensive wounds. All of our victims are mature professional women; they don't just 'go off' with someone - no matter how charming they are."

"Drugged?" Emily suggested. "It's easy enough to slip something into a drink when you are chatting. Alcohol is a killer's friend We all know the impact of one to many, your inhibitions drop then . . ."

Suddenly the room went silent at the sudden mention of the word alcohol. Immediately, Aaron noticed the flash of horror in her eyes, and then the mask of calm was returned. The awkward shifting of the team raised the tension as they waited for someone to say something to break the silence.

Seeing Erin search for appropriate words, Aaron stepped in. "Wheels up in 30 minutes, we'll continue the briefing on the jet."

Rapidly the majority of the team disappeared from the room. Rossi lingered until Aaron shot him a look.

"Thank you," Erin said dryly as she gathered the paperwork she had been handed at the beginning of the briefing.

"You're welcome."

"I would like to accompany the team on the case, but I am afraid I will be a distraction, going on this morning's proceedings."

Aaron's eyes questioned her comment without need of words.

"It is obvious the team don't know how they should react to me. At least prior to my rehab they knew to hate me. Now they seem confused between pity and panic."

Aaron put down the files he had gathered and took a step towards Erin before he checked himself. He felt he had gotten close to her during her imposed leave, yet now they were both back at work things had shifted. She seemed to be finding it difficult to settle back into her role. Neither of them seemed certain of the effect the past few months had had on their relationship. Right now the edges were blurred and it was plain neither liked the impact.

"Obviously it is your decision, but I feel it would be wise to join us once you have had more time to settle in."

"Are you suggesting I am not up to the job," Erin's eyebrow hitched, daring him to confirm her suspicions.

A smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth as he recognised the dare in her voice, there was still the spirit of the woman he knew underneath it all.

"No. I am suggesting that the team isn't ready for your direct input. Yet."

Now it was Erin's turn to smile. "Protecting your team from me as always, Aaron? I have to admire your loyalty. I am glad that I have been able to appreciate a small sample of that for myself."

"Erin, I really must go, but rest assured you do still have my upmost loyalty."

She nodded. "Recent events have made that abundantly clear."

The two stood in silence, both having so much more to say but both knew this was neither the time nor the place.

"You had better go," Erin finally said, stepping past Aaron. "I wouldn't want you to be late for the flight. Especially one with Rossi on it; he needs very little to feed his imagination."

Aaron nodded, gathering his things and leaving to join his team.


	2. Late Night Return

**Let Me See**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the ideas.**

**Can I begin by apologising as I meant to post last night but I am doing a week's catch up course for work while on maternity leave at it has been a shock to the system. I will try and get the third and final chapter up tomorrow to make up for it.**

**Also can I thank you for all of your comments and reviews - they are very encouraging as this pairing is totally out of my comfort zone. **

**. . .**

If it hadn't been for the fact that he had spotted the glint of his desk lamp on in his office, Aaron would have headed straight home. It was late, or should that be early seeing it was gone 2am, and like the rest of his team, he was shattered. Normally he would have stayed over one more night and travelled back during the following day, but Will had rung saying that Henry was ill. He had taken him to the doctor and dosed him up, but JJ had wanted to get back to her son's side. Henry wanted his Mom, what sick child didn't, and Aaron and the others in the team were not going to keep them apart a moment longer than necessary. Besides they could all sleep tomorrow.

Trudging up the few steps to the walkway, Aaron wondered who was waiting for him and why. Opening the door, he was surprised to see Erin behind his desk. Her glasses pushed high on her nose as she continued to plough through the pile of paperwork strewn across the surface of his normally impeccably neat desk.

He coughed softly to make his presence known.

"Ah, Aaron," Erin spoke as she looked up, taking her glasses off and placing them on top of the pile of files all in one swift motion. "It's good to see you back. Thank you for your email with the outline of the case result. Obviously your report will be more detailed, as always. Your team did well to solve this so quickly. The totally number of victims could have easily been much higher."

The praise was unexpected, but he knew it was masking the real reason she was in his office in the early hours of Friday morning.

"With respect Erin, you didn't need to stay here so late to tell me that."

"No, no I didn't, you are right," a tight smile graces her lips as she realised her ulterior motives were close to being disclosed.

For a moment they stood in silence, neither willing to give even as the tension built. Eventually, Aaron made a move, closing the gap but still remaining the opposite side of his desk. He was surprised to see Erin looking like a rabbit caught in the headlights, he didn't think he had seen her this vulnerable since she had walked out of rehab. "Erin what's the matter? Talk to me, please."

Her eyes dropped as her fingers wandered to fiddle with her glasses. "I don't want to be alone, Aaron. I am strong when I am busy and around others, but when I'm alone that's when I struggle."

It was obvious the confession was hard. Aaron was glad she had chosen him to go to, even if her sobriety sponsor would have been the more appropriate choice. Moving around the desk he crouched beside her, trying once more to attract her gaze.

"You don't have to do any of this alone; I'm here, night or day. I told you that several months ago, and I thought you realised I had meant it."

Erin stiffened slightly, her hand wiping at stray tear before it fell; she wasn't use to such open shows of weakness. She had spent a long time building up her defences, but rehab had shattered the very foundations they were constructed on. Then over the last few months Aaron had continued to take the walls down, brick by brick, whether he knew it or not.

"Thank you, Aaron, but maybe it is best I just go home. It's late and, as you can see, I have plenty to keep me busy."

"Don't," Aaron reached over, resting his hand on top of hers. "Like to admit it or not, you are still vulnerable. This job was to blame for a lot of your problems. I know the devastation, the hours and pressure, can have on your family. I'm still trying to make amends to Jack; your children have just got you back. But you need to remember that you take each day at a time. This isn't over, it is the beginning, and if you need help, you only need to ask."

"I am not one to ask for help, Aaron, you know that."

"Then it's about time you learnt to. You have taken the hardest step by coming here," by now Aaron's hand had gently moved up Erin's arm to rest on her shoulder. He had swivelled the chair to face him. As he knelt in front of her and looked into her glistening eyes, Aaron realised that over the last few months his feeling towards Erin had morphed. His previous distain had been replaced with a new found respect for her strength, which through their closeness was becoming something more. It wasn't that he was ready to confess undying devotion, but there was something - an itch that needed scratching. Resisting the urge to lean forward and kiss her, he softly wiped the tears from her eyes with the pad of his thumbs, cupping her face as he did so.

Immediately he felt her tense under her touch. "Come home with me tonight. There is no need for you to be alone."

Erin stood rapidly; catching Aaron off guard and causing him near lose his balance.

"Sorry to have bothered you, I really should go."

Gathering up her things Erin started for the door.

Regaining his footing Aaron moved swiftly to try and block her exit. "Erin . . ."

But it was too late; she was out of the door and rapidly leaving the bullpen.


	3. By Way of an Apology

**Let Me See**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the ideas.**

**This is it then, I have left the ending very open as I am undecided as to if there will be a sequel. This pairing has been a challenge but I have kind of enjoyed it.**

**Inspiration for this was from the song ****"****Beneath your Beautiful" by Labrinth and Emeli Sande (which is where the lyrics come from).**

**. . .**

Walking into her office the next day, Erin felt the same heavy weight on her shoulders - there was something about the room that made her feel like she was returning to the scene of the crime. Maybe if the budget couldn't stretch to a refurbishment she would pay for it herself. As she opened the inner door, she was startled to see an elegant pot of flowers sat or her desk.

Approaching the arrangement of purple blooms, she instantly recognised them as hyacinths. Propped against the cream planter was a simple cream coloured card. In handwriting that she knew was Aaron's, were written the words 'I'm sorry'. Turning it over in her fingers she noticed a further note on the back. 'My offer of support is genuine. Please call me.'

Tapping the card on the glass surface of her desk, she let a wry smile slip onto her lips – how the hell had he managed this in the five or so hours that she had been out of the building? Were there no limits to that man?

Moving the planter to one side, she slipped the card into her purse and set about making a pot of coffee, after the late night and her usual lack of sleep, a swift caffeine kick was necessary. Though she was proud to note that it was only the caffeine she was craving this morning. She momentarily considered pouring a second cup and taking it to Aaron's office before she remembered that they were not in today due to the nature of their late return.

So instead, she returned to her desk and retrieved her cell from her purse. Assuming that Aaron was still asleep she sent a text: Thank you.

Before she could place the device down it vibrated in her hand. Looking down at the screen she was surprised to see a reply: My pleasure. How about dinner tonight? I feel we need to talk.

Erin stared at the phone, not sure what her reply should be. Last night there had been a tension between them, something that she couldn't explain – or more to the point didn't want to. She didn't want to be right, but she didn't want to be wrong either about the way she was feeling. Though Aaron was right about one thing: they needed to discuss this: if they didn't sort it out, then how long before others started to notice there was something wrong?

So she replied rapidly, confirming she would attend and awaited a time and a place. As she sat she moved things around on her desk, making room for the plant in the corner. She found something calming in its presence. A bleep alerted her to a time and a restaurant, she was impressed with Aaron's choice.

Then she settled down to the fresh pile of paperwork that had been deposited first thing for her attention.

. . .

Aaron pulled the chair back allowing Erin to sit. The low lighting of the restaurant allowed the candles glow to radiate from the centre of the table. Erin focused on the flicker of the flame. She needed it to calm her nerves. Only a few months ago a swift drink would have done the job, now she was relying on a variety of other methods.

Aaron placed himself opposite her. "Are you ok?" he asked, concern evident in his tone.

She nodded briefly, but the sigh that escaped gave her away.

Before Aaron could say anything else the waiter appeared offering menus. "Would either of you like a drink? I have the wine list."

"Water would be fine at the moment, thank you. If we want any additional soft drinks we will let you know," Aaron answered.

Once he was out of earshot Erin looked up. "Thank you. I haven't eaten out since . . ."

Aaron smiled. "It's fine. How about we order, then we can talk in peace?"

. . .

With the plates placed in front of them, Erin shifted uncomfortably. She hated how her sobriety was leaving her feeling so vulnerable.

"Erin, please relax and enjoy your meal," Aaron spoke before taking a forkful of his dinner, once he had swallowed he continued, "I was hoping that by coming out like this, we might be able to talk freely."

"Of course," she said curtly having not touched her food other than to shuffle it around the plate a little to disguise her lack of interest in eating.

"Erin, I am sorry for last night. You obviously misunderstood my intentions. I only meant to offer you the necessary support to help you through another night."

She shot him a glance. Oh, she had been such a fool to think he meant anything else. She chided herself for allowing such an idea to enter her head. "Apology accepted," she smiled recovering from the hit to her pride, through a little surprised at how formal this had become between them.

"However," Aaron continued now he knew he had her full attention, "that doesn't mean I am not interested in finding out if there are other avenues we could pursue when you are ready."

Erin froze, fork half way to her open mouth. Slowly her hand dropped as her mouth shut, stammering for the words to answer him. "I . . . I . . . Aaron . . ."

"Please, Erin, I am not expecting an answer now; there is no pressure. This is new for both of us. Only a matter of months ago we generally hated each other, now . . . well now, I hope you agree, things are different."

"Aaron, the past few months have been a complete whirlwind for me. Most days I struggle to know if I can face all that the day has for me. I have appreciated your support and friendship - which I admit has been a surprise and totally undeserving when I think about how I have treated you in the past."

Aaron placed his napkin down beside his plate and reached across the table encasing her hand in his. He face had a rare smile. "No pressure, Erin. Sobriety is not the only thing that we have to take one day at a time!"

. . .

**I'm gonna climb on top your ivory tower  
I'll hold your hand and then we'll jump right out  
We'll be falling, falling but that's OK**

**. . .**


End file.
